If you need a smile this is the page for you. Nothing but aviation jokes and humorous stories.
All of these have appeared in my e-mail or were faxed. Some are jokes that are older than the hills, others are true stories. Either way they all bring a smile and make you wonder which are which. After all you know the old saying, "Truth is stranger than fiction".
There is something I would like to add to this page, but will need you help, "Common Terms". Now I'm not talking about the those you find in the book, but the ones that are used everyday in reference to a particular situation. Here is a example of what I'm talking about:
"Short circuit between the headset" - Used by maintenance personal, when the pilot writes up a problem that doesn't exist.
Please remember this is a kid safe site! There is always a suitable substitute for certain words.
If you have one to add or another piece of aviation humor, just e-mail it!
At the bottom of this page is a section for other sites that offer Aviation Humor.
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you asked... (From Dave)
Apparently right after a military C-5 Galaxy landed and cleared the active it taxied by a Boeing 747 that was holding short of the runway. The Galaxy captain knowing how much larger his aircraft was keyed the mic and asked the 747 captain, "Hey little buddy, what's your gross?" Not to be out done the 747 captain keyed his mic and replied "A little over two hundred thousand dollars a year, how about you?"
Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
Rough landings (From Jeff)
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no M'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
Overheard on an XYZ Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
Overheard by a guy giving rides: "Sorry about the rough landing, but I'm practicing for a job at XYZ . Next time I'll try to lose your luggage."
Student pilot to irate instructor: "Think about it. I navigated through a boiling fluid swirling around a rotating sphere that is hurtling around a fusion reaction source at thousands of miles per hour. This system is moving in a circular motion around a black hole at who knows what speed, while the space it takes up is expanding. And I bounced 6 inches. 6 MEASLY INCHES! You need to get off my back, man!"
From a disgruntled XYZ Airline Flight Attendant...