Rules of the house, from a dog's point of view. |
Rules of the house, from a dog's point of view.
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By Rusty Under 6 months | Over 6 months
Look pitiful and sad. Don't jump and act silly, there are some humans who prefer someone nice and quite. After they attach to you, you can start the silly stuff. If you have big feet, hide them! Look as small as possible. If the try to play with you, give them a lick and a tail wag, but remember to look pitiful.
Expensive store bought toys are OK if nothing else is available. However the human's belongings are much better. The cat's toys are more fun than yours. Using the cat as a toy is even better. Play time should be when the humans have no distractions, I prefer midnight.
Dog food is OK, but human stuff always tastes better. If they give you something with catsup on it, or any thing else messy be sure to carry it to the carpet to eat. If the human forgets to make you a dish of your own, simply sit, and give them the saddest look you can. Humans can't resist those big brown eyes. Never, jump or try to steal. If you do they get mad and won't give you anything. Being cute always works. Know which one has the soft heart, always give them an extra lick and a tail wag to say thank you. They come through when others refuse. Store bought treats aren't bad, if you like fake bacon, dried out meat, or meat flavored rocks. I prefer sweets, banana cream and pastry are one of the best foods around.
You forgot to walk me before you put me in the car.
That vacuum cleaner scared the ____ right out me. Remember all that water I drank last night, after you took me for a run?
The TV - let them know if they don't walk you NOW, they will be cleaning up a puddle. The phone - barking sometimes works, but requesting a walk always does. The computer - Chase the cat, until it runs and jumps on the keyboard. If they are online, eat the phone cable. Another human - Get between them and lay down on your back, or place your head in the one with a soft heart. If the human is a visitor, show them all of your toys, including the ones you don't even play with. Grab something out of the laundry basket, and run through the house with it.
Play with the cat Empty the laundry basket, lots of neat smelling stuff there. Check out the garbage, they might have accidentally tossed out something good to eat.
If they tell another human that you never do something like chew on hands and legs, do it right then and there. Be selective to where and when you relieve your self. Trust me they will wait. Be a clown,
If they say down - lay the roll over demanding a tummy scratch Pretend to trip over your own feet, or better yet the leash |